What started for me in February of this year, was a deeper inquiry about what intimacy, connection, community means to me. For the past 5 years, I've been living alone (for the first time, properly, in 11 years). I moved to a foreign country not knowing anyone. At first, I tried to make friends but my attempts didn't stick. My inner voice kept telling me to go within. From this space, this year in particular, I've leaned in more to the solitude. I discovered that as much as I "think" I want to have deeper, more authentic connections with more people, the reality is: I simply don't have the bandwidth or any real desire to get to know anymore people properly, just for the sake of it. There has to be a true resonance between us. In fact, I realised that my very small friendship circle is more than enough for me. So I let go off trying to cultivate more close friendships and simply rested and enjoy the ones I already have. Today (9 Aug), I realised that there's a luxurious sensuality to all this solitude. In fact, the tenderest part of me has recently made an appearance. Probably because I've finally stopped performing to earn love; realising that my job is simply to expand my capacity to receive.
Wow you just explained what I have been going through.
I moved across the country four years ago. I was hoping for the opportunity to find my people and build relationships. It has not been the case and I am giving up.
I don’t know if it’s the area or just the world right now, but it is very difficult to make friends and build relationships.
Is it me? Is it them? I don’t know.
I feel like the neighborhoods I grew up in up in where everyone knew each other by name, and enjoyed getting to know each other is a thing of the past.
It’s exhausting, and disheartening .
I enjoy being alone and keep busy with gardening etc, but can’t help but feel at a loss that friendships are so hard to develop.
Maybe I am just trying to hard and by wanting it I am causing it to not happen.
Anyway, thanks for sharing your experience. Makes me feel like I am not the only one.
I have no idea what I'm supposed to let go of as I've been letting go of lifelong preconceived notions about myself for the last few months now. 😅 I have some more to let go of but since everything thus far has been a surprise idk what else needs to be let go of or which to start on first. 🫣 Thank you for the work. 🥰
The bit about pride keeping you from centering yourself and waiting for things to find you rings true for me, especially in the sense that the hesitation comes from fear, keeping me small. My tue node is in Leo, and for me this is about visibility, and getting recognition for my efforts.
Somewhere along the way, I went from being comfortable in the spotlight to hiding on the sidelines, my skills used to bolster other people's success, but rarely getting any credit for myself. I think the center shift for me here is about letting that light shine on me again, despite the discomfort of illuminating my flaws in the process. Getting my name literallly in the credits, shouted from the stage, and on the banner. Being comfortable being seen, with the expectation that come with it, that I will continue to do worthy things, instead of sinking back the the restful shadows, where less is expected of me, and my failures have less weight.
It's deeply uncomfortable, while also being necessary for my future success. What you said about growing into your sun sign (my sun and ascendant are both Capricorn) and taking on the mantle you were born to, in my case of someone with power and influence, who builds things of note. I have few of these things now, because Ive been hiding from them, but it's now or never, and this feels like a turning point. Thank you for the insights!
In may, I filed for divorce and upended my family because I could no longer stay in a situation that was serving my partner but not me. It wasn’t overnight, I had been in therapy for 2 years undoing my inability to meet my own needs. I think what this gave me was an unlocking of my future from the situation at hand, and now… the eclipse in my 12th house has me (Virgo rising) rummaging in my own closets and being overwhelmed, but knowing I can work hard to organize and decide. What felt unnatural and unwarranted a year ago, putting myself first (not in a selfish narcissistic way, but objectively looking at my needs as I would my children) no longer feels like a contortion. Instead it’s now a necessity. Untangling the why behind my values is just Saturn organizing the way I share with the world.
Thank you for this beautiful post. I am feeling all of this to a crazy extent. The eclipse arrives the day after my birthday. My center being recalibrated has already begun, strongly. Things have felt strangely favorable in the last couple weeks. Curious to see where it goes from here.
Happy birthday in advance, Shannon! And what a birthday. The eclipse lands right on your Sun, so this one is properly yours. No wonder it started early. Don't rush it into place though, it wants the whole year.
A lot of this resonated deeply with me, in my heart. Especially the barriers I built from childhood (pride, rooted in a deep insecurity which meant I had to make sure I never had to ask anyone for anything, because, of course, they would turn away). It’s so deep-rooted, putting it down feels kind of like digging out part of my core. But that will leave space for the light.
I started the letting go a while back. Thinking about moving, and getting my life on a secure track for the rest of my natural, I don’t have anyone in my life close family, friends etc, I don’t lament that, it’s rather freeing in its own way. So I’ve been researching property nation wide (UK) Some places with happy memories and some never lived before. Taking into account my physicality which is slowly diminishing, as does my energy.
Then the person (with whom we had a relationship,) then into a more caregiver role, and now just a neighbourly friendship, is diagnosed with C. Don’t know staging, or anything else eg treatment or not ATM. The moving research took a pause because I didn’t feel right in turning my back on them, so to speak, when they received that diagnosis.
Yesterday, triggered by a locked door, ( a cupboard in our complex, irony/message not lost) which became a catalyst, we had a full on proper heart to heart. They said they would be fine for me to move, we could stay in touch and they have a large family in close proximity to look after them and support them.
Almost like being released.
So I’m back to research. Will see what transpires eclipses / new moon / full moon wise during rest of August.
I have become aware of the pride thing in the past several months. Untangling it from woundedness, it splits apart into threads. I feel more able to decipher the monkey mind. What you're saying makes so much sense. It is work. Work is work. It makes me happier with myself 🩷🩷 relieved to see it here in writing, thank you.
I know that feeling. I’m sorry you’re going through that. For me, the work in that space was just being, no judgements, no expectations, just being. I would then ask my self, “What is something I can do today that will make tomorrow better?” Is that one thing a single set of weighted bicep curls to make your body feel a little stronger tomorrow? Is it sitting outside to feel the sun on your face for five minutes? Only you know. May your outline feel more solid soon!
In February, I ended a 25 year friendship. For the last two years, I’ve been unraveling the ancestral and deep codependency that has run my life. So I feel pretty open and I’m noticing more and more of the subtlety of codependency. Actually what I found over this weekend was a deep father wound of unworthiness. I don’t usually talk, respond, offer in comments or on social media or in groups.. And what I’ve come to see from this weekend is I don’t do that because why would anyone want to read what I had to say. So there’s where I’m going to be unraveling this playing small to make sure I don’t get hurt or abandoned and that’s probably the cracks. So Helen – – I hear you girl we’re in this boat together.
I am letting go of the habit of controlling or rescuing others as a way to avoid acting on my own creativity and fully expressing who I am. Who I am was too much in my family and my survival felt like it depended on tamping down my wildness and making everyone else comfortable. I am selling my house, releasing many possessions, putting the rest in storage except for what I need while having a small space in a neighbor’s home. I am drawn to find a small rv, this is something I have written about, an old woman traveling and writing and listening to the stories of both people and the land herself. Now I am that old woman and can release the habits and rhythms of the last 40, maybe 70 (!) years. I feel a lot of resistance, a kind of drag as I slog through the last 10 days before the movers. And invitations arise to drop everything and obsess about the problems of one or another of the people close to me. I have a continual flow of oh no, what if, a critical inner voice saying I should hurry up, and I am very, very tired having almost finished unloading generations of possessions and a multi-generational inheritance of pessimism that has always been at odds with my own visceral, heart-centered buoyancy. I have been waiting for people, most of whom are dead, to give me permission to be myself. The locus of that permission seems truly to rest somewhere between my own heart and the vastness itself.
I feel like I’ve been preparing (impatiently waiting?) for this eclipse for over a year. So much inner work and letting go. Of false beliefs about myself and false history of…many things. Fitting that this eclipse happens in my 10H, near my MC, as I’ve been actively unraveling myself from a career I’ve spent 25 years building. Instead seeking a way I can follow a passion and actually be of service to people. Wanting to shed the identify of a corporate drone, jumping at every “emergency” that comes my way. I earned an autoimmune disease for that service (thanks Jupiter Aries 6H!). And a whole lot of understanding that it was ME that was the glue holding everyone together.
For now, I wait. And keep my head down and work. Because it really is only a matter of time that the funds will dry up and my industry will get the wake-up call it deserves. The way this eclipse hits for me, it’s not only my chart, but the big one you described, Emi. The “bad aspects” for them will be sorely needed divine timing aspects for me.
Busy one! My South Node sits at 23 Leo, so old business coming to a close, and not just business. Sun at 26 Pisces, Pluto at 28 Virgo. That South Node through the Placidus lens is in the 8th House...I've been in analysis since September 2017. Lost family, friends...new perspectives on the "family system" especially. Whole Signs, that South Node is in the 9th, with Pluto in the 10th...and sun in the 4th. Roots. The centre has a hidden, inner sanctum. Receiving "visitors" in dreams in that room where only I go...well, lets say a gesture was made. What a life.
Christen I had a reading with Em a few months back and it came as a written PDF. A friend had a reading around the same time and we both agree - our readings are the best we’ve ever received (ie we’ve had astrology readings in the past, with other astrologers, but Em’s was on another level entirely). Highly recommend. Xx
What started for me in February of this year, was a deeper inquiry about what intimacy, connection, community means to me. For the past 5 years, I've been living alone (for the first time, properly, in 11 years). I moved to a foreign country not knowing anyone. At first, I tried to make friends but my attempts didn't stick. My inner voice kept telling me to go within. From this space, this year in particular, I've leaned in more to the solitude. I discovered that as much as I "think" I want to have deeper, more authentic connections with more people, the reality is: I simply don't have the bandwidth or any real desire to get to know anymore people properly, just for the sake of it. There has to be a true resonance between us. In fact, I realised that my very small friendship circle is more than enough for me. So I let go off trying to cultivate more close friendships and simply rested and enjoy the ones I already have. Today (9 Aug), I realised that there's a luxurious sensuality to all this solitude. In fact, the tenderest part of me has recently made an appearance. Probably because I've finally stopped performing to earn love; realising that my job is simply to expand my capacity to receive.
Wow you just explained what I have been going through.
I moved across the country four years ago. I was hoping for the opportunity to find my people and build relationships. It has not been the case and I am giving up.
I don’t know if it’s the area or just the world right now, but it is very difficult to make friends and build relationships.
Is it me? Is it them? I don’t know.
I feel like the neighborhoods I grew up in up in where everyone knew each other by name, and enjoyed getting to know each other is a thing of the past.
It’s exhausting, and disheartening .
I enjoy being alone and keep busy with gardening etc, but can’t help but feel at a loss that friendships are so hard to develop.
Maybe I am just trying to hard and by wanting it I am causing it to not happen.
Anyway, thanks for sharing your experience. Makes me feel like I am not the only one.
Wow 👏🏼 well done - bravo!!!! Truly, that allowing, that acceptance, that trust in yourself is absolutely beautiful 🤩☀️
Thank you for expressing this so well—I relate deeply!
Me too!
I have no idea what I'm supposed to let go of as I've been letting go of lifelong preconceived notions about myself for the last few months now. 😅 I have some more to let go of but since everything thus far has been a surprise idk what else needs to be let go of or which to start on first. 🫣 Thank you for the work. 🥰
The bit about pride keeping you from centering yourself and waiting for things to find you rings true for me, especially in the sense that the hesitation comes from fear, keeping me small. My tue node is in Leo, and for me this is about visibility, and getting recognition for my efforts.
Somewhere along the way, I went from being comfortable in the spotlight to hiding on the sidelines, my skills used to bolster other people's success, but rarely getting any credit for myself. I think the center shift for me here is about letting that light shine on me again, despite the discomfort of illuminating my flaws in the process. Getting my name literallly in the credits, shouted from the stage, and on the banner. Being comfortable being seen, with the expectation that come with it, that I will continue to do worthy things, instead of sinking back the the restful shadows, where less is expected of me, and my failures have less weight.
It's deeply uncomfortable, while also being necessary for my future success. What you said about growing into your sun sign (my sun and ascendant are both Capricorn) and taking on the mantle you were born to, in my case of someone with power and influence, who builds things of note. I have few of these things now, because Ive been hiding from them, but it's now or never, and this feels like a turning point. Thank you for the insights!
In may, I filed for divorce and upended my family because I could no longer stay in a situation that was serving my partner but not me. It wasn’t overnight, I had been in therapy for 2 years undoing my inability to meet my own needs. I think what this gave me was an unlocking of my future from the situation at hand, and now… the eclipse in my 12th house has me (Virgo rising) rummaging in my own closets and being overwhelmed, but knowing I can work hard to organize and decide. What felt unnatural and unwarranted a year ago, putting myself first (not in a selfish narcissistic way, but objectively looking at my needs as I would my children) no longer feels like a contortion. Instead it’s now a necessity. Untangling the why behind my values is just Saturn organizing the way I share with the world.
Glad I found this journey and your writing.
Thank you for this beautiful post. I am feeling all of this to a crazy extent. The eclipse arrives the day after my birthday. My center being recalibrated has already begun, strongly. Things have felt strangely favorable in the last couple weeks. Curious to see where it goes from here.
Happy birthday in advance, Shannon! And what a birthday. The eclipse lands right on your Sun, so this one is properly yours. No wonder it started early. Don't rush it into place though, it wants the whole year.
Come back and tell me where it went.
Thank you! 🙏 Yes this one feels very personal. Will keep you posted ☀️💕
A lot of this resonated deeply with me, in my heart. Especially the barriers I built from childhood (pride, rooted in a deep insecurity which meant I had to make sure I never had to ask anyone for anything, because, of course, they would turn away). It’s so deep-rooted, putting it down feels kind of like digging out part of my core. But that will leave space for the light.
Ohhhh-Helen …yup I feel that one too.
Thank you Em 😊
I started the letting go a while back. Thinking about moving, and getting my life on a secure track for the rest of my natural, I don’t have anyone in my life close family, friends etc, I don’t lament that, it’s rather freeing in its own way. So I’ve been researching property nation wide (UK) Some places with happy memories and some never lived before. Taking into account my physicality which is slowly diminishing, as does my energy.
Then the person (with whom we had a relationship,) then into a more caregiver role, and now just a neighbourly friendship, is diagnosed with C. Don’t know staging, or anything else eg treatment or not ATM. The moving research took a pause because I didn’t feel right in turning my back on them, so to speak, when they received that diagnosis.
Yesterday, triggered by a locked door, ( a cupboard in our complex, irony/message not lost) which became a catalyst, we had a full on proper heart to heart. They said they would be fine for me to move, we could stay in touch and they have a large family in close proximity to look after them and support them.
Almost like being released.
So I’m back to research. Will see what transpires eclipses / new moon / full moon wise during rest of August.
( Leo 20 5th house whole house signs)
I have become aware of the pride thing in the past several months. Untangling it from woundedness, it splits apart into threads. I feel more able to decipher the monkey mind. What you're saying makes so much sense. It is work. Work is work. It makes me happier with myself 🩷🩷 relieved to see it here in writing, thank you.
I feel grey. Like a copy negative of myself. Like the tracing paper version of me, just an outline.
I know that feeling. I’m sorry you’re going through that. For me, the work in that space was just being, no judgements, no expectations, just being. I would then ask my self, “What is something I can do today that will make tomorrow better?” Is that one thing a single set of weighted bicep curls to make your body feel a little stronger tomorrow? Is it sitting outside to feel the sun on your face for five minutes? Only you know. May your outline feel more solid soon!
In February, I ended a 25 year friendship. For the last two years, I’ve been unraveling the ancestral and deep codependency that has run my life. So I feel pretty open and I’m noticing more and more of the subtlety of codependency. Actually what I found over this weekend was a deep father wound of unworthiness. I don’t usually talk, respond, offer in comments or on social media or in groups.. And what I’ve come to see from this weekend is I don’t do that because why would anyone want to read what I had to say. So there’s where I’m going to be unraveling this playing small to make sure I don’t get hurt or abandoned and that’s probably the cracks. So Helen – – I hear you girl we’re in this boat together.
I am letting go of the habit of controlling or rescuing others as a way to avoid acting on my own creativity and fully expressing who I am. Who I am was too much in my family and my survival felt like it depended on tamping down my wildness and making everyone else comfortable. I am selling my house, releasing many possessions, putting the rest in storage except for what I need while having a small space in a neighbor’s home. I am drawn to find a small rv, this is something I have written about, an old woman traveling and writing and listening to the stories of both people and the land herself. Now I am that old woman and can release the habits and rhythms of the last 40, maybe 70 (!) years. I feel a lot of resistance, a kind of drag as I slog through the last 10 days before the movers. And invitations arise to drop everything and obsess about the problems of one or another of the people close to me. I have a continual flow of oh no, what if, a critical inner voice saying I should hurry up, and I am very, very tired having almost finished unloading generations of possessions and a multi-generational inheritance of pessimism that has always been at odds with my own visceral, heart-centered buoyancy. I have been waiting for people, most of whom are dead, to give me permission to be myself. The locus of that permission seems truly to rest somewhere between my own heart and the vastness itself.
Mercury meets Jupiter at 10 ♌️ my natal sun/mercury conjunction is 7+8 ♌️
This time is messing with my head! I feel like every hard thing I’ve done in the last 5 years has been leading me here…
I feel like I’ve been preparing (impatiently waiting?) for this eclipse for over a year. So much inner work and letting go. Of false beliefs about myself and false history of…many things. Fitting that this eclipse happens in my 10H, near my MC, as I’ve been actively unraveling myself from a career I’ve spent 25 years building. Instead seeking a way I can follow a passion and actually be of service to people. Wanting to shed the identify of a corporate drone, jumping at every “emergency” that comes my way. I earned an autoimmune disease for that service (thanks Jupiter Aries 6H!). And a whole lot of understanding that it was ME that was the glue holding everyone together.
For now, I wait. And keep my head down and work. Because it really is only a matter of time that the funds will dry up and my industry will get the wake-up call it deserves. The way this eclipse hits for me, it’s not only my chart, but the big one you described, Emi. The “bad aspects” for them will be sorely needed divine timing aspects for me.
Busy one! My South Node sits at 23 Leo, so old business coming to a close, and not just business. Sun at 26 Pisces, Pluto at 28 Virgo. That South Node through the Placidus lens is in the 8th House...I've been in analysis since September 2017. Lost family, friends...new perspectives on the "family system" especially. Whole Signs, that South Node is in the 9th, with Pluto in the 10th...and sun in the 4th. Roots. The centre has a hidden, inner sanctum. Receiving "visitors" in dreams in that room where only I go...well, lets say a gesture was made. What a life.
Hi Em! If I purchase one of your readings, does it come with a video call? Or just a written pdf report? Thanks for all you do :)
Christen I had a reading with Em a few months back and it came as a written PDF. A friend had a reading around the same time and we both agree - our readings are the best we’ve ever received (ie we’ve had astrology readings in the past, with other astrologers, but Em’s was on another level entirely). Highly recommend. Xx
Thanks! 💕
Position yourself apart from everybody, ouch, I know that one, classic Leo South Node!! So good Emi, so good🙏❤️